I’m Abandoning This Blog

Hello! If you’ll notice, the last post I wrote for this blog before this one was January of this year. I have recently decided to abandon this blog and created a new one. This will be my last update for this blog. Thank you to everyone to read, commented, critiqued, liked and followed this blog from the bottom of my heart. This blog has expressed my best and worst, and although the memories are worth remembering, life continues to move forward. Do read my new posts here: flyinglemons.wordpress.com. Have a good one, and may a smile never be far from your lips 🙂

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Some Supposedly Negative Things That I Have To Learn

I’m negative right now. So if you don’t want negative, GTFO. (I’m joking. But seriously, feel free to stop reading, wouldn’t wanna dampen anything.) BUT, here are several positive things that I have to learn (and have been taught to me by an awesome relative- you know who you are) while being negative. Hey, as math said, multiply negatives and you get positive. Oh wait…

1. Stop caring (Too Much)

Really, anything too much is bad. Because most of the time, people end up taking you for granted. It’s one of those inevitable realities of life: every one of us has taken other people for granted ourselves. Unfortunately, I have been told that I have this want-to-please-the-people-that-I-want-to-please personality, and it sucks when people just blow over you.

2. Don’t mind too much what others (even people close to me) think of me

Opinions are monsters that hurt the most and that you have almost no control over. The saying that it is up to you to change what other people think? Bullshit. The human mind is very powerful. Bottom line is, try as you might people will think what they want to think of you. All anyone can do is to try and influence; a closed mind will not be receptive. Mind you, I’m not saying that you should be closed minded as well. All I’m saying is: when they think negative of you, an example in my case, being perceived as happy go lucky, some do not think of me as a leader. What they think will hurt, but if you know who you are, your talent and the way you take responsibility, then it doesn’t matter.

3. Me being first priority

Yes. It’s always good to look out for number two (God being number one). I have to tend and focus on my own growth, my own welfare and shove others a little bit to the side. Because life will fuck up and throw knives at you when it meant to throw lemons, and there’s a colossal possibility that you will have to stitch up your own wound without any help.

4. Expect that people will hurt you. All you can do is protect yourself.

People are not perfect. I am not perfect. Definitely I will hurt others as others are sure to hurt me. I had a literature professor once who described people as spinning tops with barbs of doom: we tend to hurt those who are close.

I’m starting to think that some walls: they’re not meant to be torn down.

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So. Having a jolly read?

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Volunteering Look Lvl 10

This is just something I made about how I feel about my volunteering look in meme speak. I just came back from the Coffee Aid Harvest this morning. It was a very rewarding experience, with great people, great views, great stories and great food (Lily of the Valley Farm rocks!)

*Le me will write about le (dare I say?) expedition in le next post. 🙂

ME GUSTA!

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Break (Blog Post In 30 Minutes)

[I wrote this post October 27, 2011 on my iPod Touch’s notepad app. Just embellished a tad today.]

I’m on my break at work. Work has been stressful just now, so I’ve decided to use what remains of my allotted break and step out of the office building. So I blog.

Commerce has made time invaluable. The concept of time being acquired at the lowest possible price or someone choosing to sell to the highest bidder made it a commodity. A qualified person’s “free” time has become a luxury and and untapped resource. And once time rose in value the value of people’s well being depreciated.

The world currently runs on what I call the law of perceived equivalent exchanges. As long as an exchange is perceived and accepted as equal by both parties all other circumstances are irrelevant. An example: A certain amount of time is required to ensure the continued health of one’s spirit, mind and body. However, most offices only allow for a total of one hour break for the whole day, and most office buildings do not have places where employees can just sit down, relax, do something unrelated to work and not think of work for 15 minutes. They have those at call centers but then again their shifts are so shitty and their work so monotonous and stressful they do deserve at least that. And how do these seat-less people de-stress in the middle of the day? By smoking! Or by going out to the nearby overpriced convenience store to buy salty crunchy chips. I, the humble 9-6 employee am currently walking around and around my office block typing away at my iPod Touch while men whistle and shout at me whenever a car passes and my skirt sways a little. But I’m out of the office so hey!

It’s not like I don’t love my job. I do. I get excited for new projects and stay in the office long after working hours sometimes. But no job is without its own stress. As the older people in my family keep saying “Walang trabahong madali.” (There are no easy jobs.) Taking a few minutes off not only allows you to get back into what you’re doing refreshed but also breaks the pressure’s momentum.

Get us our seats or we’ll squat near the elevators while reading ebooks on our break!

Nankurunaisa.

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Five Reasons Why I Am Not Ready For Marriage

Yes it’s happening: my younger sister is getting married before I do. And I’ve been single for nearly a year. I am now steeling myself for the wedding inevitability: “When are you getting married?” “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “When was the last time you had a boyfriend?” “Hala, your sister beat you to the altar!” “My goodness, you’re 28 already. (I will be when my sister gets married next year) You’ll become a spinster!” “Wala na, you already are a spinster! Haha!”

To tell the truth I’m already getting it at some degree this early. There’s a definite stigma against single people who are of marrying age. Especially in Filipino culture where most people can’t even eat by oneself, people are afraid of being alone. Saying you’re single gives people this vision of you coming home to a lonely apartment, no one to talk to, nothing to do, home alone on Friday evenings and hating the world for not having anyone to love. Coca-cola’s marketing agency has even invented an imaginary group consisting of single people in one of their commercials late last year: Samahan ng mga Malalamig ang Pasko (Association of People with Cold Christmases). The person who said that he was a member was a teenage boy who just got dumped by a girl he really liked just before Christmas. He was seated at the family dinner table, surrounded by food, smiling siblings and supportive parents telling him that it’s alright, there’s Coca-cola. I don’t know about you but his Christmas didn’t look cold to me.

I do want to get married in the future. I’m all for white gowns and babies and together forevers. However there are reasons why marriage is not really foremost on my mind right now. And I’m planning on bringing an iPad (lemme borrow yours Roanne?) with this post saved on it along so that on I can show this list and not have to answer the same questions over and over.

1. I haven’t found him yet.

My husband to be that is.

Common sense tells us that we can’t marry just anyone. However, here are some reasons I’ve seen or heard of why people marry: 1.  their partner is “good enough” 2. they’re afraid of being alone 3. marriage is the next step in the process flow of life 4. loving being “in love” 5. even worse are those who get married for the experience of the wedding day and wear a Malou Castillejos gown. …OK the Castillejos gown is almost worth it.

I have seen some couples break up a marriage as easily as they would a non-marital one. People don’t realize the big effect of a bad relationship between parents have on their children. And everything: the heartache, the stress, the gossip by tactless people and the smug I-told-you-so’s was an exercise in futility!

Call me an idealist, but I believe that for a relationship to work, a couple must be friends. I don’t mean being friends first before entering a relationship, I mean a relationship where you both see each other as good friends. Think of your best friend: you wouldn’t deliberately cheat, hurt or lie to him/her, would you? And if something was wrong you’ll try your best to understand where he/she is coming from. And this reason in a nutshell is: I haven’t yet found that friend that I’m in love with and who’s in love with me.

2. In the meantime, I’m improving myself.

Sure I’m a pretty great person, just ask around!

Just kidding. I’m currently focused on enriching my life. Getting new experiences, trying out things, stimulating creativity, viewing more perspectives and just basically throwing the doors of my mind and heart wide open.

3. There are a lot of things I still want to do that I believe I won’t be able to once I’m married.

Hiking? Street and Travel photography? Getting three Michelin stars so that I can tell Gordon Ramsay that he’s a bloody brilliant arrogant sonovabitch to his face?

I want to do those. And I will not be able to just drop everything and go off somewhere once I am a mom and a wife. Starting a family is a lot of responsibility. You and your partner have to constantly work on it. You can have a husband who shares your passion, but both of your responsibilities are finite. All I’m saying is, better make sure that you’ve experienced jumping out of airplanes before you have a wife and kids who’ll suffer if your parachute is having a bad day.

4. Marrying is not everything.

Single and happy. Two words that some people can’t imagine being in the same sentence except when the word ‘not” comes before “happy”.

I’m saying it: if I become a spinster, so what? As long as my life is filled with faith and passion and loving family and friends I’ll gladly be the crazy fun spinster auntie to my future nieces and nephews.

5. I want to have a very strong faith in God before I start a family.

Because I, my husband  and my children are going to need it. Strengthening in progress!

Nankurunaisa!

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Living Healthy

I have been thinking lately that 2011 is the year that I consciously decided to live a happier, if not healthier lifestyle. It just that with adulthood (27 y/o. 18 y/o is the age of consent, it doesn’t make you an adult) it just made more sense to me to follow, well, common sense. I have found that living healthy is 20% effort and 80% logic:

  • If you get sick all the time or if you’re always tired, eat more fish and veggies and at least a serving of fruit of everyday. Also, exercise!
  • If you want to get thinner, it’s 60% diet and 40% how you exercise.
  • If vanity stresses you out, get rid of it. It’s all insecurity anyway. Also the more make up you put on the faster your skin ages.
  • If you’re feeling demotivated with your life, find your passion and pursue it. Life is too short not to live passionately every single day. Remember: Don Quixote may have been crazy, but I bet you the times he went after that windmill were some of the most exhilarating moments of his life.
  • If you’re not finding time for God and your family, cut back from work or extra-curricular activities.
  • If you’re stressed at work, take a break. It’s great for your mind and productivity.
  • If you always end up spending all your money, get someone you can trust completely to hold your bank passbook for you.
  • If you get molested at the MRT, punch that sonovabitch, grab his hair, and don’t let go until you get to the next station and report his lascivious ass to rail security.
  • If you don’t know how to punch get boxing lessons. Very useful.
  • If your starting to get varicose veins don’t wear your stilettos all the time.
  • If you need instant ego boost, wear nice undies and great shoes.
  • If you suffer from eye strain at times, wear glasses or look at the plant on your desk for 20 to 30 seconds. Don’t get rid of the plant even when the office tells you to, and tell them your venus fly trap does not eat humans who are nice to you.
  • If you’re trying to achieve a goal, don’t put yourself in a situation where you’ll be remotely tempted. “Just passing through” a mall on sale when you’re trying to save is irresponsible.
  • If bad relationships (with men) take a toll on your peace of mind, cut them.
  • Better yet, in the first place don’t associate with people (men) who you know will just hurt you in the long run. Yes even if you like them.
  • If you’re tired of the city, go to wildlife parks. It’s cheap, accessible, and for a few hours you can pretend you’re somewhere else.
  • If you don’t understand, say so.
  • If you want something, ask. Always ask. Know the power of a question.
  •  If you don’t like something and it’s not that important, don’t do it. If it’s not important why are you forcing yourself?

Nankurunaisa.

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Rabbithole

I couldn’t sleep. Nothing bothering me, just my mind running loops. I was typing away to comment on my friend Paolo’s Facebook status about him postponing his diet. I hit Enter to confirm the proverbial splattering of my very estimable opinion on his wall. That was the last thing I remember.

The transition was fast, like movie editing when it just cuts into a new scene. In front of me was an emerald sky. It was a weird feeling going from sitting position to lying down that fast, or how fast it seemed to me.

I got up and looked around. An endless plain with hundreds of scattered plum trees. Looking at the plum trees I saw that they were different. Yellow blossoms instead of the usual pink. Pink with red veined leaves instead of green. Gold fruits with orange polkadots. Military green tree trunks. The grass and soil are the same color as the real world though. Looking to the horizon, I saw that the grass is greener, yet it made it look like the sky and the earth are connected. The only indication of their division aside from the slight difference in color are the grass’s movements to the comfortable blowing wind. I wasn’t bothered by the colors nor the place. I tried to think of words to describe the entirety but I only thought of the words “compelling” and “familiar”.

I jumped because I saw something moving from the corner of my left eye. I turned to face an elephant in a bejeweled sari walking towards me across the grass.

The elephant looked like a normal elephant except that she was, not, an elephant. Until now I cannot say what makes me set her apart as non-animal the moment I saw her. Presence? Posture? Grace?

She was wearing an orange sari. Opals and pearls were embroidered into the sari’s beautiful intricate design. She wore no jewelry save for simple gold drop earrings. She smelled of jasmine, mint and citrus. She walked upright, although why that was the last thing I noticed I do not know. I would have still thought she was human had she walked on all fours.

She stopped a few feet in front of me, smiled and said, “Getting a little strange?”

I said, “Definitely. Erm, no. Not really, I meant my being here, not the place.”

She nodded, her truck swaying a little with the action. “Of course it won’t be. This place is home to you.”

Laughing, I asked, “Where is this?”

She said, “Have you looked at what you’re wearing?”

I looked down. I was naked.

She said: “Now where do you think this is?”

“I-” Pause. I looked at the grass blades peeping between my toes and wriggled them. Slowly feeling anxiety I looked up and said, “I don’t know.”

Her voice was calm, but I detected disappointment. “You have let yourself be spoonfed. Allowed your backbone to curve around the mold.”

Her trunk lifted my chin. The elephant looked me in the eye. “You have chosen to forget what this place is, what this place can do, what you can do in it. Why do you continue to abandon it? Fear? Do not tell me that you haven’t yet found a bigger quantity of courage than your childhood.”

My eyes widened.

“You remember now. Tell me. Where is this?”

I said, “Anywhere I want it to be.”

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